At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She announced her abortion via fbk
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
