I think I won the penis lottery.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
