didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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