morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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