Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
