Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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