i was rollin on her like bob the builder
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
