I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
