wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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