You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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