We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
