Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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