Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
splinters make it hard to masturbate
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
