You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
