She's JV to your varsity
even my farts smell like vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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