Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
