She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
