We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize