I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
