Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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