I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
