my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
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