Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
operation harelip BJ is a go
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
