I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
