I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
