Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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