i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
