I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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