so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
