i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
