Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
