I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
