I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
