we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Randomize