and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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