Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
