I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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