Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
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You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
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He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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