I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
