Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize