Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
