I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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