i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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