Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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