btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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