So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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