I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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