I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
