So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
