They should really pass out barf bags in church
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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