peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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