I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
