that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
