no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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