you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
