ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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