apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So many bounce houses so little time
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
