why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I think I just sharted jello shots
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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