the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
