Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize