you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
