So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
