I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
