I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So much rum. So many feels.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
