i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
