I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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