Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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