Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
