I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
