i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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