just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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