I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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