shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize