do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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