I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
