I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
