New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
